Wednesday, 4 January 2012

A peak of my heart.

Greater is in me.

If I can truly grasp and believe this, then I can achieve anything.  Like a butterfly I hide in my cocoon, awaiting the time to show off my captivating colours and fly, however unlike a butterfly I lack the confidence to leave my cocoon, when all around me shows me that I am ready.  I cling to my safety net and close my eyes dreaming of my great escape, dreaming of that someone who will save me. The truth is, I can only save myself and the question is, when will I deem myself worthy of this freedom? The silent voice within me shouts out 'I am here!' But I and the people around me just ignore her.  Why do I exist? What is my purpose? And where did this lack of confidence come from? I know a part of the answer. My lack of confidence is from past hurts.  The rest I am still exploring on this journey. I have played  a part in some of the downward spirals of my life, as I have allowed people to steal my dreams, my loves and what was once the happy go lucky me, but no more.  As I sit it this room typing away in this still moment, I want to unleash, take a risk, run outside and truly  shout "freedom is mine."  I want to laugh hard and sincere from the pit of my stomach. I want joy to spill over my cup and fill me with every sip I take.  I want to awaken and live the life my inner voice has been shouting about for years and what my dreams are made of.  When I mean I am ready and not looking back, at this moment I mean it.  This lady that has taken over my life and tried to make the best out of it, with what she could, including the tears and drama, who has nurtured my children and kept my mind sane.  I thank you and love you.  I am stronger and ready to come out of my cocoon now.
                                                                                                  Mummy got heart and soul x

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