Forgiveness is key!

                                           
Forgiveness, is a word that use to make me feel uneasy, mainly because of past hurts I had concealed.  I mean, it is really hard to forgive someone/persons when they have taken your good deeds for granted or hurt one of your nearest and dearest. However, through my reading and personal experiences I have been reminded that, forgiveness is key and the most important method that supports our well being, without practicing this method frequently, I have found everything else is an effort and up ward struggle, with stress, depression and  illnesses in tow for the pity party. I am still learning about this process and will never stop, as every time I go through the forgiving process, I learn something new about myself.  I have to forgive daily, I have to assess my thoughts daily and I have to choose my words wisely. This is all apart of my growth and this approach may not work for another individual, however I feel that it has benefited me in numerous ways. At times I do not feel like forgiving, but with consistent praying, meditating and reading, I see the bigger picture and manage to get through.

I would rather have peace of mind than allow bitterness to control me.
                                                                 

I got that Monday feeling

Yeah, I'm feeling real good!! I just finished an hour and a half walk through the forest. I cleared my lungs and thought of all the small but yet great changes I have made, how I am feeling and how much further I aim to push myself.  Combining, meditating, walking, healthy eating, spending quality time with my children and a good nights sleep.  My body is energized, my mind is opened and creative! Oh and I must not forget music! I can not do without it, yesterday whilst cooking the Sunday dinner, I can really say I was "Lost in Music" the sweet sounds of Nelly Furtado's "Stars" and Childhood Dreams" a touch of Maroon 5 "Just a feeling" and then some Fiona Apple "Never is a promise." Yep the Sunday dinner was cooked with Love and tasted just as good.

I feel at peace and it helps that I am in a quiet environment, so I am going to make the most of it and continue with some work. I hope many more of my Monday's feel like an extended weekend :))

This birthday girl has taken up Meditating

The last few days have been very interesting and enlightening. I started the week feeling fragile and then arrived here today feeling calm and at peace with myself and my surroundings.  This is all thanks to my Dad, his warm and loving words of wisdom and recommending meditating. I have been directed here before, but I just kept making excuses i.e. “I do not have the time,” “I have not got the patience for this,” “It’s just not for me”. Well, it’s for me! I owe myself that time and I have gained the patience.  In just a few days I feel energetic and more excited about the future than I have felt in a long time.  I sleep like a baby through the night and I wake up energetic and ready to face the day.  Throughout the day I find myself looking forward to the few minutes I get to visit my private place while meditating.  This has been long overdue and with results like this I can firmly say this strong woman, is waking up to the beauty and opportunities of Life.

My daughter has a better social life than me

This morning my daughter received her second birthday party invitation for the year, although I am very happy that my daughter is having fun and making friends, I can't help feeling like her PA, having to constantly check the diary to make sure her invitations do not clash with the families schedule.  I have decided to make a folder dedicated to her party invites, then over the years we can look back and talk about the parties and the places they were held. I will also take a leaf out of my daughter's book and socialise more. :)

How low can you go?

Last night I noted that I would write a to-do list for today, well instead I found myself writing a list of things that I dislike in my current circumstances.

Advantage:

I can look these dislikes in the face and tick them off as I handle them.

Disadvantage:

I might just stare at the list; feel upset and overwhelmed, whilst thinking what a big mess my current situation is.

Well, you can guess from the next paragraph which thought process took over.

I have all the best intentions, and I am making every attempt to change my current circumstances, still some of these heavy doors will not open.  I have read so many times, ‘there is a light at the end of the tunnel,’ however that is no comfort to me as I have been walking through this tunnel for a mighty long time.

I am impatient at the moment not by nature but by circumstance, therefore I need a positive change right now.                                                                                                                    

Procrastination keep out!

I am on a role, I feel like I have been roller skating effortlessly whilst completing tasks today.  I spent a bit longer on things I could of left until tomorrow, however I always tend to do this and end up procrastinating! So in an attempt to break this cycle, I kept it moving, whilst singing and now I am quite content with all I have achieved. I think I will write a new to do list for tomorrow... After a bit of quality time with my children and cup of camomile tea.  Rome was not built in a day.

A peak of my heart.

Greater is in me.

If I can truly grasp and believe this, then I can achieve anything.  Like a butterfly I hide in my cocoon, awaiting the time to show off my captivating colours and fly, however unlike a butterfly I lack the confidence to leave my cocoon, when all around me shows me that I am ready.  I cling to my safety net and close my eyes dreaming of my great escape, dreaming of that someone who will save me. The truth is, I can only save myself and the question is, when will I deem myself worthy of this freedom? The silent voice within me shouts out 'I am here!' But I and the people around me just ignore her.  Why do I exist? What is my purpose? And where did this lack of confidence come from? I know a part of the answer. My lack of confidence is from past hurts.  The rest I am still exploring on this journey. I have played  a part in some of the downward spirals of my life, as I have allowed people to steal my dreams, my loves and what was once the happy go lucky me, but no more.  As I sit it this room typing away in this still moment, I want to unleash, take a risk, run outside and truly  shout "freedom is mine."  I want to laugh hard and sincere from the pit of my stomach. I want joy to spill over my cup and fill me with every sip I take.  I want to awaken and live the life my inner voice has been shouting about for years and what my dreams are made of.  When I mean I am ready and not looking back, at this moment I mean it.  This lady that has taken over my life and tried to make the best out of it, with what she could, including the tears and drama, who has nurtured my children and kept my mind sane.  I thank you and love you.  I am stronger and ready to come out of my cocoon now.
                                                                                                  Mummy got heart and soul x

Approaching the tail end of thirty...

Excitement is pending for my up and coming birthday.  The years have flown by, so fast in fact I had to press the pause button today for some light reflection.  My children are older but not old enough for me and my bestie to go on the cruise we keep talking about.  After a deep breath and a sip of camomile tea... I can jump this hurdle!  I am going to spend the day pampering myself for a change and being thankful for my precious children, supportive family and arriving at such a fruitful age in one piece.  Hopefully, I will still feel the same on the day x