I am on a mission to find my friends, Confidence and Joy

I have not been blogging for a while as I did not feel I had anything to really blog about. The truth is, I was just trying to do everything  work, children's activities, maintain the home and in all of this, yet again forgot to do me! I had to come to a halt and really ask myself, "where are your old buddies girl Confidence and Joy?" The answer was unsatisfactory, as I just don't know. Among the chores, the children, the work and being single, I have seemed to misplace them. I have been going through the motions for such a long time I have formed bad habits, an example is, not putting me first, not spoiling myself and not loving me. I have been neglecting me and putting my likes to the side.

I miss my buddies, they would never of allowed things to get out of hand, they would of never of stood for a person named Fear becoming a companion of mine. That's why I am on a mission to find them, because I miss them and without them I am only half of the person I should be.

I feel that they are close by, as today on my quest to find them, I went to a place we use to hang out called (Gym), as I got to the door, Fear tried to convince me to go back to my car, but something inside me said
"honey if you walk in, your on the right path to finding your buddies" I pulled that door open and now I am embarking on a journey, I kept putting off.

Never give up

The light at the end of the tunnel has appeared and I am so thankful.  Last year was stormy and I promised myself that there would be a big positive change this year. First goal was to get a job that I desired and suited me and the children.  I managed to get three interviews this week and got the job I desired as a Family Support Worker, everything about the job is better than what I could of hoped for.  I could not sleep last night as I was so excited.

This weekend will be a cause for celebration and further goal setting.  Never give up on your desires, dreams and goals, with determination and focus the tide will eventually change.  Stop thinking "impossible" and start believing "it is possible".

Forgiveness is key!

                                           
Forgiveness, is a word that use to make me feel uneasy, mainly because of past hurts I had concealed.  I mean, it is really hard to forgive someone/persons when they have taken your good deeds for granted or hurt one of your nearest and dearest. However, through my reading and personal experiences I have been reminded that, forgiveness is key and the most important method that supports our well being, without practicing this method frequently, I have found everything else is an effort and up ward struggle, with stress, depression and  illnesses in tow for the pity party. I am still learning about this process and will never stop, as every time I go through the forgiving process, I learn something new about myself.  I have to forgive daily, I have to assess my thoughts daily and I have to choose my words wisely. This is all apart of my growth and this approach may not work for another individual, however I feel that it has benefited me in numerous ways. At times I do not feel like forgiving, but with consistent praying, meditating and reading, I see the bigger picture and manage to get through.

I would rather have peace of mind than allow bitterness to control me.
                                                                 

I got that Monday feeling

Yeah, I'm feeling real good!! I just finished an hour and a half walk through the forest. I cleared my lungs and thought of all the small but yet great changes I have made, how I am feeling and how much further I aim to push myself.  Combining, meditating, walking, healthy eating, spending quality time with my children and a good nights sleep.  My body is energized, my mind is opened and creative! Oh and I must not forget music! I can not do without it, yesterday whilst cooking the Sunday dinner, I can really say I was "Lost in Music" the sweet sounds of Nelly Furtado's "Stars" and Childhood Dreams" a touch of Maroon 5 "Just a feeling" and then some Fiona Apple "Never is a promise." Yep the Sunday dinner was cooked with Love and tasted just as good.

I feel at peace and it helps that I am in a quiet environment, so I am going to make the most of it and continue with some work. I hope many more of my Monday's feel like an extended weekend :))

This birthday girl has taken up Meditating

The last few days have been very interesting and enlightening. I started the week feeling fragile and then arrived here today feeling calm and at peace with myself and my surroundings.  This is all thanks to my Dad, his warm and loving words of wisdom and recommending meditating. I have been directed here before, but I just kept making excuses i.e. “I do not have the time,” “I have not got the patience for this,” “It’s just not for me”. Well, it’s for me! I owe myself that time and I have gained the patience.  In just a few days I feel energetic and more excited about the future than I have felt in a long time.  I sleep like a baby through the night and I wake up energetic and ready to face the day.  Throughout the day I find myself looking forward to the few minutes I get to visit my private place while meditating.  This has been long overdue and with results like this I can firmly say this strong woman, is waking up to the beauty and opportunities of Life.

My daughter has a better social life than me

This morning my daughter received her second birthday party invitation for the year, although I am very happy that my daughter is having fun and making friends, I can't help feeling like her PA, having to constantly check the diary to make sure her invitations do not clash with the families schedule.  I have decided to make a folder dedicated to her party invites, then over the years we can look back and talk about the parties and the places they were held. I will also take a leaf out of my daughter's book and socialise more. :)

How low can you go?

Last night I noted that I would write a to-do list for today, well instead I found myself writing a list of things that I dislike in my current circumstances.

Advantage:

I can look these dislikes in the face and tick them off as I handle them.

Disadvantage:

I might just stare at the list; feel upset and overwhelmed, whilst thinking what a big mess my current situation is.

Well, you can guess from the next paragraph which thought process took over.

I have all the best intentions, and I am making every attempt to change my current circumstances, still some of these heavy doors will not open.  I have read so many times, ‘there is a light at the end of the tunnel,’ however that is no comfort to me as I have been walking through this tunnel for a mighty long time.

I am impatient at the moment not by nature but by circumstance, therefore I need a positive change right now.